Fourty.

I turned 40.


I was kinda depressed about it.


I was honestly scared all my insides would begin to shrivel up & start to die off.
*They didn't


I was afraid of looking 40.
*I don't


I was terrified to admit to people I was 40.
*It didn't make a difference when I did


They say "age is just a number" or "you're only as old as you feel".


Sure age is just a number but the number keeps growing & very rapidly it seems. I am so much more aware of the things I've let slip by or time I've wasted my numbered life on. I look back and while I have some regrets, I realize I have so much more I need to do, so much more I need to learn, so much more to love, so much to enjoy and time is quickly moving & I need to pick up the pace & stop focusing on the number.


Sure you're only as old as you feel and while I don't feel any differently now than I did 2, 5 or maybe even 10 years ago, I am more aware of my ever changing body that is rapidly changing without my permission.  I need to stop worrying what other people think and just love who I am, right here right now because THIS IS WHO I AM. THIS IS 40.  Like it or not it's here and it's happening.


I'm coming around to the idea being 40 mostly because no one believes me when I tell them I just turned 40. (helps the ego and transition) I do secretly love when they think I'm lying--like why would I lie about being 40?!? Most guess late 20's/early 30's, like what would I gain from saying I'm 40 if I was really only 29?? I just smile, laugh and say thank you. I figure I can milk this for another 10 years before things catch up with me and it gives me a little time to get used to the idea of growing old gracefully.


I plan on growing old gracefully. Enjoying what is in front of me.


Not worrying about the number or feeling old.


40 doesn't define me and it doesn't change who I am.


I will define 40.