Where to begin?

She sits, hopes and sometimes agonizes daily that he will finally understand but he never does. She sits and hopes that what she feels in her heart will be priority to him. That he will finally see the pain he caused her & it will force him to be sorry and he would spend a lifetime making amends....she longs for him to appear and soak up what's weighing her down. 

He never shows up. He never will. 

Not because he his cruel, not because he doesn't care but because he is not able to see past his own pain, his own daily struggle to do so. 

For her to expect him to add her own heartache and pain to his plate and expect him to do something about it is selfish on her part. 

It's unrealistic.  

Her = Me 

How do I let go of that expectation & not continue to feel hurt? 

Where do I begin? 

I started here....

Starting to let go. Slowly. 

A small piece at a time. 

He is not my keeper & it's not his job to make me feel better. It's my job. Trying to keep shoving what he's done to me in his face in hopes that he would get a glimpse of how hurt I've been does nothing but continue to stir up old hurts and pain, not allowing me to move my own feet forward, let go of what will never be fixed & learn to forgive & expect nothing in return for doing so. 

There are no pats on the back. 

Just a weight lifted & allowing a heart to heal. 

He will never comprehend....not beause he's cruel & he doesn't care. 

He knows what he's done and his only job is to figure out what he needs to do with it.

It's not my job to force him to make amends. 

I have a bad habit of holding on and it makes it impossible to just move forward. I've worried for far too long on what he isn't doing I avoid looking at what I SHOULD be doing. 

I hold myself hostage. 

Its funny because I try and teach my 8yr old not to worry about what other people are doing and focus on herself--making her own choices & letting go of what someone else is or isn't doing. 

Perhaps she won't fully grasp it until I finally do. 

Perhaps it's time to practice what I preach. 

How do I expect her to do it if Mommy doesn't? 

So today starts the beginning of something new for me. 

Something I've never put into play......

The art of letting go...letting go of unrealistic expectations. 

Letting go of actions I cannot control. Letting go of what others aren't doing...

Like really letting go....

Then forgiving. 

Forgiving even when no one says "I'm sorry" 

That's where I will begin.