On the corner of Grey Street and the end of the World

I listen to Dave Matthews Band, a lot. Mostly because I swear he writes songs that were meant for me. Specifically for me. Of course I know reality is...he didn't. However I know he wrote "Grey Street" and knew there would be a girl...a girl on the cusps of something greater than she.  She would have to find herself and face some mighty and ugly truths.  

I thought it best I title this blog about living on the corner of who I am now and who I am trying to become. 

I've been toying around with the decision to write what's in my heart--the good, the bad & the ugly but didn't know where or how to exactly to start......the last few days have brought me back to where I was about 4 years ago. On a path to discover and uncover who is and has been buried deep inside who I am....but this time I find that I no longer can just uncover, instead I have to uncover, dissect & respond & become the woman (and mother) I've been so deathly afraid of becoming.  I think about the woman who raised me, who taught me right from wrong, who showed me how to pick up broken pieces and put them back together, who taught me about independence & who taught me about unconditional, undying love & grace. I am pretty sure I like to think I've uncovered and successfully learned how to love unconditionally but as of late I find myself realizing I don't and the rest is also work in progress. Learning to love, forgive, forget, to show grace and compassion, to listen not just my ears but my heart.....and so so much more. I find my throat getting tight and the tears begin to fall as I consider all that I've been missing by not allowing myself to live a life and become the woman (and Mother) I know God intended for me.  Equally I find relief in knowing it's never to late to become better or greater than you are right now...

I anticipate this to be uncomfortable but worth it. 

Wish me luck on my journey...and maybe you'll come with.... :)

"Grey Street" ~Dave Matthews Band

Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street. 
She thinks, "Hey, how did I come to this?"
I dream myself a thousand times around the world
But I can't get out of this place.
There's an emptiness inside her
And she'll do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it doesn't listen
There's still a hope in her it might
She says "I pray oh But they fall on deaf ears,
am I supposed to take it on myself?
To get out of this place? "
Oh There's a loneliness inside her
And she'll do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
There's a stranger speaks outside her door
Says take what you can from your dreams
Make them as real as anything
Oh It'd take the work out of the courage
But she says "Please
There's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door,
I live on the corner of Grey Street
and the end of the world."
Oh there's an emptiness inside her
And she'll do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her
Using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
To Grey